The Diva Haunts the House Read online

“I’m taking him home,” I said. “Be right back.”

  “Wait!” The girls cried in unison. Jen opened the closet and they grabbed fall pullovers that were the latest craze. Made of soft, warm fleece, the black tops snapped at the neck. When opened, they revealed a bright color inside. Jen’s was her favorite color—purple—and Vegas’s top showed bright orange. The pullovers reversed to the loud colors.

  When I opened the door, each of them took one of Gabriel’s hands, and he seemed quite content to be propelled along the sidewalk by his new friends. We neared Natasha and Mars’s home at the end of the block, and the three of them stopped dead.

  Lights glowed in every window of the house, and Natasha had rigged panels of some type so that it appeared that skeletons hung from nooses in two of the front windows. No wonder Gabriel had been afraid.

  She’d taken great pains with the entrance to the house. A long, curving staircase arched upward from the sidewalk to her front door. The railings wore heavy garlands of shiny black magnolia leaves that must have taken Natasha forever to spray paint. Tiny lights intertwined with them for an elegant but slightly dark effect. Vultures perched on each side of the stair rail, and pumpkins glimmered on the landing at the door. Matte black pots hung from the main floor windows by chains, and real flames flickered in them. The deep notes of haunting organ music floated to us.

  “Wow!” I wasn’t sure which girl said it. They appeared transfixed.

  A rolling fog offered glimpses of the nook created by the curving stairs. Tall dried cornstalks formed a backdrop for hay bales that extended to the service gate, which led to the backyard. A flame in a post light oscillated as though it burned kerosene. More pumpkins with horrifying faces sat on the hay bales and the sidewalk.

  “Over there.” Gabriel pointed a chubby finger at the hay bales.

  We crossed the street for a closer look, Daisy leading the way. “Did you help carve the pumpkins, Vegas?” I asked.

  She sounded hurt when she replied, “No. Natasha’s crew did it for her TV show, and they said they had to be perfect, not amateurish.”

  Ouch! Nothing like losing sight of the fun part of Halloween.

  A pirate lolled on one of the hay bales, the fog drifting across him. He wore a patch over one eye and a dark scarf wrapped around his head. His ruffly white shirt with a deep V-neck and puffy sleeves had been crammed with something to make him appear real. He wore black trousers, stuffed into huge knee-high boots that were turned down at the tops.

  The grim reaper hovered over him in a ragged black robe with a hood hiding his face.

  A vampire posed on the other side, in a floor-length black cape with the collar turned up. A mask, complete with bloody fangs, made him even more frightening.

  Natasha hadn’t considered children at all when planning her decorations. The ebbing mist sent shivers down my back, even though I knew it was all pretend.

  Gabriel shook loose from the grip the girls had on him, grabbed my hand, and tugged me toward the pirate. He jerked on my arm and pointed at the pirate with a wail.

  “Oh, honey,” I said, “these are all make-believe. They’re like . . .” I sought an analogy in a children’s fable. “. . . like the witch in ‘Hansel and Gretel.’ There’s no such thing as a witch. Look, it’s all stuffing.”

  I reached out and pressed on the bared chest of the pirate, marveling at Natasha’s ability to make it seem so real. But my fingers didn’t press into packed shredded newspaper like I expected.

  SIX

  Dear Sophie,

  I would love to put glowing eyes on some of my Halloween decorations. Unfortunately, power cords would have to crisscross the front walk and kids might trip over them. I’m afraid to use anything with a live flame. What to do?

  —Chicken in Black Cat, Arkansas

  Dear Chicken,

  Battery-operated tea lights are perfect for Halloween. You can even turn them on and off. Make a small hole where you would like an eye. Glue a tea light to the back side of the decoration where you need an eye, being sure the “flame” portion goes through the hole. Repeat for the other eye. No open flames and no cords!

  —Sophie

  I pressed again, my mouth suddenly dry. Soft flesh yielded ever so slightly to my touch. I shrieked, scooped Gabriel up, and backed away a step, shaking. The pirate didn’t move. Daisy strained at her leash, sniffing the legs of the vampire.

  Stressed, and unable to pull because I was holding Gabriel, I growled, “Daisy, come!”

  She ignored me and stuck her head deeper under the vampire cape. One of the vampire’s legs twitched, as though to discourage Daisy. My gaze climbed to his mask. Like an eerie painting, his eyes shifted. For one long second, my eyes met his in horror. Then he bolted away, a black cat crossing his path as he disappeared into the night.

  Gabriel and I screamed, but we were no match for the demonic howls coming from Vegas and Jen. The shock knocked the breath out of me. Vegas and Jen clustered close to me, but Daisy pulled at the leash, eager to run after the vampire.

  Vegas shrieked and pointed at something behind me. I pivoted, new fear welling up inside me.

  “What about him? Is he real?” Vegas indicated the grim reaper.

  Holding Gabriel as tightly as I could, I struggled to speak calmly over his crying. “No. Definitely not.” It was a total lie. I had no idea. “Do either of you have your cell phones with you?”

  They shook their heads.

  Could Gabriel cry any louder? Poor baby. I suspected he could feel my tension. I couldn’t make my heart pound less or slow it down. “Everything’s okay,” I cooed. “Vegas, Jen, run up to Natasha’s and call 911.”

  Clutching each other, they stumbled toward the base of Natasha and Mars’s stairs. A couple dressed as Superman and Wonder Woman approached and headed up the stairs behind them.

  “Call 911!” I shouted.

  They laughed and the woman said, “What a great gag. Natasha always has the best ideas. Who would have thought about adding a mom and a kid to that scene? Makes it seem so real.”

  Gabriel wailed in my ear, and I patted him on the back. Vegas and Jen made their way up the stairs and into the house.

  I breathed just a hair easier, knowing they would summon an ambulance. But they came rushing out the door and down to the sidewalk seconds later. They couldn’t have made a call that fast. “What happened?”

  “A vampire threw us out. No kids allowed,” said Jen.

  “Do you think it could have been the same vampire who ran away?” asked Vegas.

  For pity’s sake. “Vegas! You live there! Here, hold Daisy’s leash.” Carrying Gabriel, I climbed the stairs, out of breath by the time I reached the top. The door wasn’t locked, and from the sound of the crowd, I didn’t think there was any point in knocking. I opened the door to a horror house that looked like a college reunion for vampires. I’d never seen so many caped creatures in one place. Werewolves, witches, mafiosi, skeletons, and at least one Tootsie Roll mingled among them.

  I would have to wind through the packed house to reach a phone.

  Gabriel screamed anew at a particularly scary vampire who bared his teeth at us. The kid was going to be scarred for life.

  “This is a private party.” The vampire swept his arms wide, opening his cape to reveal a red satin lining. “We’re not trick-or-treating. Remove this ear-shattering child immediately.”

  “Could you call 911? There’s a . . .”

  He closed the door in my face so fast that I didn’t think he heard me. For a second, I contemplated asserting myself, but Gabriel’s frightened screams made me reconsider and a new chorus of horrified howls came from below. It had to be the girls. I staggered down the stairs as fast as I could.

  Vegas, Daisy, and Jen had migrated to the pirate. “Touch him,” said Vegas. “I dare you.”

  “Aunt Sophie, I think the pirate is real.” Jen chewed on her upper lip.

  I set Gabriel on the sidewalk. “I want you two to take Gabriel home. It’s ac
ross the street, third house down on the next block. Then go straight home.”

  “With a vampire on the loose?” shrieked Vegas.

  She caught me by surprise. He wasn’t a real vampire, of course, but what if the man in the vampire costume was vicious? What if he lurked somewhere on the next block, waiting for hapless children in the middle of the night?

  “Okay, let’s go there together. Hurry.”

  I lifted Gabriel so we wouldn’t be slowed by his toddling legs, but I wasn’t used to carrying a baby around, much less one as hearty as Gabriel, and by the time we crossed the street, my breath came heavy and hard. Mindful of the pirate who appeared to need medical assistance, I didn’t dare stop.

  Unfortunately, the street lay quiet. Lots of orange Halloween lights glowed on the houses, but no police cruisers were parked on the street. I was relieved to unload Gabriel again when we reached his house. The old Williamsburgstyle lights on either side of the front door glimmered, illuminating a child-friendly Halloween wreath of Casper-like ghosts on the door, but I didn’t see lights on inside. I banged a knocker in the shape of a squirrel.

  No one answered the door, elevating my concern over Gabriel’s parents. The girls clustered close behind me, each one holding one of Gabriel’s hands. They whispered about keeping an eye out for the vampire who had vanished into the night. I knocked on the door again, this time with more fervor.

  Something squeaked inside and after what seemed an eternity, the door swung open a crack. A safety chain hung about the level of my nose.

  “Yes?” I couldn’t see much of the speaker, but the outdoor lights revealed tousled blond hair. A sitter? I wondered if she knew she’d lost Gabriel.

  “I’m looking for Gabriel’s parents.”

  “They’re out.” She started to shut the door, but I applied a little pressure with the palm of my hand.

  “Not so fast.” Did she know she’d lost her charge? “Where is Gabriel?”

  Her eyes narrowed to wary slits. “None of your business !”

  “When did you check on him last?”

  She studied me. “Is this some kind of mean Halloween trick on the babysitter?”

  “He turned up at my house earlier”—I put a little bit of motherly guilt into my voice—“all by himself, and I wanted to be sure he made it home safely.”

  “A three-year-old out all by himself? I don’t think so.” She slammed the door, and I heard her turn the bolt.

  “Was that Heather Corbin? She didn’t even notice Gabriel!” Vegas’s voice reflected the shock I felt. “You can’t give him back to her.”

  “You know her?” I asked.

  “Ugh.” Vegas made no secret of her feelings. “Miss Snoot Face thinks she’s better than anyone else in the entire universe. She’s in my class at school, and she’s always flirting with Blake.”

  “I agree with Vegas. What if Gabriel escapes again but doesn’t come to your house next time?”

  They were right. I couldn’t leave him with an irresponsible sitter. Why was all this taking so long when the pirate needed help, too? One thing at a time, Sophie. If I took Gabriel with me, his parents would be shocked when they came home and found his bed empty. But the risk of leaving him with the inattentive sitter was just too great.

  I’d have to deal with informing Gabriel’s parents later. I swung him up again, and our little parade hustled home as fast as we could go.

  As we crossed the street, Vegas screeched as though she were being tortured. “There he is!” She pointed toward the alley. “It’s the vampire, coming for us. Hurry, Sophie!”

  Gabriel’s loud cries began again, even with me murmuring comforting words to him. I couldn’t run with Gabriel in my arms. As it was, my lungs burned by the time we reached my house.

  I flung open the door, set Gabriel down, left him to the girls, and dashed to the telephone. I called 911 and blurted the information about the pirate in front of Natasha’s house.

  “Is he breathing?” asked the dispatcher.

  My heart still pounded and her question caught me off guard. I was going to feel really stupid if that pirate turned out to be a prop. “I didn’t check.”

  Gabriel toddled into the kitchen, crying, but with less intensity. I opened the refrigerator and pulled out a white-iced cupcake for him. It worked like magic. The second he held it, he appeared to forget all about the monsters he’d seen. He tasted the frosting like it was an ice cream cone, getting it on the tip of his nose. Daisy assisted by licking his nose, but the sweet girl didn’t lunge for the cupcake, which must have been tempting. She sat in front of Gabriel and waited for crumbs to hit the floor.

  Assured that an ambulance was on the way, I hung up but still trembled. “Jen,” I called. “I have to go back.” Where had they disappeared to so fast?

  Jen and Vegas reappeared in the kitchen. They’d taken off their outerwear, but both of them wore knit collars of some kind.

  “Will you two be okay watching Gabriel? Just don’t open the door for anyone. Understand? Here’s the number for Gabriel’s dad. See if you can reach him. He’ll be worried sick.”

  They nodded, and I took off, leaving Daisy with the girls. I shut the front door behind me and jogged back to Natasha and Mars’s house. How long would the ambulance take? I didn’t see any sign of it yet. Had the dispatcher written me off as a kook because I didn’t know if the pirate was breathing, and I’d blathered something about a vampire? What if she thought my call was a prank?

  Nothing had changed at Natasha’s. The eerie music and party sounds continued. The fog still rolled through her decorations. I took a deep breath and walked closer to the pirate, who didn’t appear to have moved.

  The grim reaper still stood over him, leading me to believe that he was a prop. Still, after the vampire had turned out to be a live person, I wasn’t taking any chances. I reached toward his black shroud tentatively, wishing I’d brought Daisy. Like a darting snake, I poked him with a finger, and hit what I’d expected to feel on the pirate—some kind of crunchy stuffing.

  Bracing myself, I reached for the pirate’s wrist, but a tightly fastened sleeve with a fancy ruffle as long as his hand prevented me from feeling a pulse. The hand was cold . . . bone cold. It was real, though. Even Natasha wouldn’t have been able to make a fake hand that felt so authentic.

  A wave of mist flowed around us when I reached for his neck in search of a pulse. I bent closer and yanked my hand back in horror.

  SEVEN

  Dear Sophie,

  I’m having a small Halloween dinner party for friends. I have the menu and decorations worked out, but I can’t think of anything original to do with the bar.

  —Spirit Hostess in Wine Hill, Illinois

  Dear Spirit Hostess,

  Decant your libations into plain glass bottles and dress them up with scary labels you make on your own computer. Red wine might be Blood of a Three-Toed Man, vodka could be Zombie Acid, and olives can be labeled Eye of Zombie.

  —Sophie

  The fog rolled on, and clear as the back of my own hand, I could see the pirate’s neck. Two blood red round spots about an inch and a half apart dripped rivulets of red. The howl of a siren finally drew close, and I decided it would be best if I didn’t touch the pirate. The professionals would be there momentarily.

  I dashed to the edge of the brick sidewalk, waving my arms over my head as soon as the ambulance came into view. It pulled to a halt in front of Natasha and Mars’s house, and two emergency medical technicians jumped out, while a third took his time. One of them took in the elaborate scene and muttered, “And I thought I went all out by carving a pumpkin.”

  I led them to the pirate, and they wasted no time starting CPR. Unfortunately, since I didn’t know the guy, I couldn’t answer most of their questions. Once again, I dashed up the stairs and barged into the party. The vampire who guarded the door raised his arms so that his cape fluttered out, and he looked menacing. “Didn’t I make myself clear? What don’t you understand about p
rivate party?”

  I pushed past him, even though I could hear him shouting at me, and kept going until I found Mars, my ex-husband, in the dining room refilling his glass with red wine. A black cloth topped with a lace spiderweb covered the sideboard. Natasha had followed our lead in labeling various bottles with poisonous-sounding names. She certainly hadn’t skimped on Vampire wine. Among the sinister bottles stood several labeled Absinthe.

  “Sophie, sweetie! I thought you were home taking care of the girls. I’m glad you came, though you might have dressed for the occasion.”

  “Pin-striped suit, narrow tie, and cheesy mustache. Who are you supposed to be?”

  He lifted my hand, kissed it, and pretended to nibble at my arm. “Gomez Addams, my lovely.”

  Under other circumstances, I might have thought his clowning cute. “One of your guests is injured, and the rescue squad needs someone to identify him.”

  He set down the wineglass. “Lead the way!”

  It was with a modicum of satisfaction that I paraded Mars by the doorkeeper vampire. I couldn’t help shooting him a patronizing smile. We ran down the stairs, and as soon as Mars saw the pirate, he said, “Good grief, that’s Patrick Starski! What happened?”

  Patrick? I took a closer look. Between the eye patch and the pirate wrap on his head, I hadn’t recognized him.

  “What’s wrong with him?” asked Mars.

  The EMTs kept up CPR, but a look flashed between them that worried me. “He have any next of kin?”

  At that exact moment, the obnoxious vampire and a handful of guests stepped out the door and peered down at us. Maggie was among them, her hands already cupped around a cigarette to light it. She took a deep drag, placed a hand on the railing, and casually stared down at us.

  “Maggie!” Mars shouted. “Patrick’s had some kind of accident.”